The Fanboy Letter Mad Lib

fanboy1Fanboys. Got to love them. Actually, you don’t have to, I take that back. Personally, I think fanboy-ism is completely ridiculous in the sense that you’d defend a console or company no matter what, out of loyalty. But whatever, what do I know.

What I am sure of, though, is that making fun of said fanboys is hilarious. Which is where Hardcasual enters the scene with their new angry fanboy letter activity. Basically, it works just like a mad lib, where you insert different words to create the absurd fanboy rant to a company that has changed a beloved franchise.

Read the full contents after the jump!

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To the folks at [GAME COMPANY], let me first say I’ve [-ED VERB] all your previous games. For years, I’ve pre-ordered every new [ORIGINAL GAME CO.] title from [GAME SHOP], and I’ve appreciated the accompanying swag, particularly the [-ED VERB] edition [GAME CHARACTER] key chain. Unfortunately, the recent changes you’ve made to the [GAME] franchise have lost you a [NOUN].

I know, I know, [THOUGHT TERMINATING CLICHÉ]. But how can you provide us with so many brilliantly localized [NATIONALITY] [GENRE] games, titles with plenty of [ADJECTIVE] Menus and [ADJECTIVE] Inventory Systems, then 180 your lineup for a [CONSOLE] title featuring an adorable [ANIMAL] protagonist` and [NUMBER] mini-games?

[INTERJECTION], I understand that [ORIGINAL GAME CO.]’s CEO, [CELEBTRITY GAME EXEC] hopes to [VERB] the casual market, but what about the [NOUN]-gamer? Why must you suddenly ape [MAINSTREAM GAME], when your fans demand more titles like my favorite RPG [MEDIVAL TORTUER DEVICE] Dungeon [NUMBER], or even the much demanded sequel to [COMIC] Vs. [OBSCURE FIGHTER]?

[EXCLAMATION]!

I hope everyone who works for you [-S VERB]. I hope your parents, your friends and your [HYPOCRISTIC] hate you forever. You’re all [PLURAL PEJORATIVE].

Pull your [BODY PART] out of your [BODY PART]. [VERB] you, you [-ING VERB] [VERB]. May you rot in [PLACE]

[SNOWCLONE].
[SCREENNAME]

P.S. I’ve enclosed [CHEMICAL]. Die twice.

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Kind of hilarious, no? To me, it actually reminds me of the kind of stuff I saw on the Bungie forums when people were upset about Halo 2 or 3 not following up the way fans hoped. Good times. What game company would you insert?

Source- Hardcasual

Written by

I write about samurai girls and space marines. Writer for Smooth Few Films. Rooster Teeth Freelancer. Author of Red vs. Blue, The Ultimate Fan Guide, out NOW!

4 thoughts on “The Fanboy Letter Mad Lib”

  1. To the folks at Square Enix, let me first say I’ve domesticated all your previous games. For years, I’ve pre-ordered every new Final Fantasy title from GameStop and I’ve appreciated the accompanying swag, particularly the Zipperfied edition Tidus key chain. Unfortunately, the recent changes you’ve made to the Final Fantasy franchise have lost you a homoerotic monkey.

    I know, I know, perish the thought. But how can you provide us with so many brilliantly localized Japanese RPG games, titles with plenty of blue Menus and confusing Inventory Systems, then 180 your lineup for a Wii title featuring an adorable Chocobo protagonist` and 47 mini-games?

    Look, I understand that Square Enix’s CEO, some guy I don’t know, hopes to plow the casual market, but what about the hungry gamer? Why must you suddenly ape Halo, when your fans demand more titles like my favorite RPG Guillotine Dungeon 48, or even the much demanded sequel to Howard the Duck Vs. Ranma 1/2?

    Crikey!

    I hope everyone who works for you menstruates. I hope your parents, your friends and your rabbi hate you forever. You’re all fools.

    Pull your thorax out of your ankle! Squirt you, you rotting paramecium.May you rot in Cleveland!

    Starkiller81

    P.S. I’ve enclosed Nutra-Sweet.
    Die twice.

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