Category: Humor

Best Lines of Mass Effect 1 and 2

It’s no great secret that I am a massive nerd for anything related to Mass Effect. As far as video game franchises go, it’s one of my favorite, and ranks among some of the most well thought and planned universes that has ever existed in gaming. Yes, that is quite a lofty claim but I will knife fight a person about it. Truly.

Anyway, if you don’t want any spoilers for the Mass Effect games, I’d say to stay away from this new video. However, there aren’t really any plot spoilers per se, just spoilers about some of the game’s awesome writing and unique brand of humor, all edited together to showcase the best lines of the two Mass Effect games. Pure hilarity.

Bee tee dubya, I want that Shepard’s facial hair.

Weeping for Games Lost

Goldeneye Xbox Live ArcadeAs avid videogamers, we’ve all grown used to the hype machine. Every year it bares itself before us, offering up plenty of food for us to feast on, all the while luring us into its clutches. Kind of like that scene in Pan’s Labrynth. Only instead of the weird hand-eye dude it’s Master Chief. You know what I mean. Anyway, because of all this pumping of videogames that we’ve seen, we’ve grown equally used to the disappointment when some of these games somehow fall into the nether regions of gaming vaporware.

Taking a look at some recent entries into the ever-expanding catalog of games that won’t see the light of day, GamesRadar has posted a list of 19 Incredible Games You’ll Never Play. It really is astonishing to take a gander at the list, because I remember reading about a couple of the games in particular (Tiberium and Cipher Complex) as featured stories on magazines like Game Informer. In addition, there were a few of these titles that I didn’t know had been canned, such as Division 9.

I think the title on the list that makes me the most upset would have to be the Goldeneye HD remake that was going to release on XBox Live Arcade, which eventually got shelved. I also would have loved to play the FFXII spinoff mentioned, which is described as Helm’s Deep meets Chocobos. Um, yes please. And last, but certainly not least, Star Wars Battlefront III, a sequel to one of my favorite games of last generation.

Anyway, were you guys looking forward to any of the games on this list? Which of those titles do you think you would have wanted to play, and what games have been canceled in the past that really stung?

Source- GamesRadar

The Law Abiding Engineer Puts TF2 on the Big Screen

I thought I would interrupt the madness of the day to post this, because this video is worth noting.

YouTube dude TrueOneMoreUser has posted a couple of videos which I found terribly impressive, given what he did with these TF2 characters. Basically, he re-edited live action footage of the trailer for Law Abiding Citizen and replaced the real actors with the characters from Team Fortress 2. The result is the amazingly awesome Law Abiding Engineer.

He’s also posted a vertical comparison video, which shows the original and the new trailers next to each other. I’d recommend checking that one out as well.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjGrHBpfqCo[/youtube]

GameCrush: Giving Play Dates a New Meaning

GameCrush facepalmWe all know how it goes. Lonely nights at home eating cheese puffs. Drinking our Halo Mountain Dew. Thinking about the next Dungeons and Dragons night while we putter away at World of Warcraft or Modern Warfare 2. Wishing that we had a lovely lady to talk to. Actually, I’m not too familiar with that, but I know some sad dudes are. They could probably use GameCrush, a new service that allows gamers to pay girls to play video games with them.

Honestly, I would like to say that I’m surprised that a service like this exists, but really I’m not. In fact, I wish I’d thought of it first because I’m sure they will find an audience for it. Whatever pays the bills, right?

Basically, you pay GameCrush $6.60 every ten minutes to have a girl play on either XBox Live or flash based Web browser games. Apparently, the options range from “flirty” to “dirty”. Yikes. Anyway, I’d link you over to their actual site, but it seems that GameCrush itself is currently getting slammed (pun kind of intended) with traffic right now, so instead you can check out the press release. I hope for your sake that it is for purely lol-cational reasons.

Source- PressLift

GameCop Vs LameCop Vs PsychoCop

Welcome to a new edition of GameCop vs LameCop vs PsychoCop. It’s about time, huh?

If you’re unfamiliar with this feature, we discuss gaming issues and we switch roles each time. The GameCop has your best interests as gamers at heart, while the LameCop is just what he sounds like: kind of a lamewad. Meanwhile, PsychoCop is a crazed, complete troll of a dude.

In this week’s edition, we have a fair and reasonable debate about Activision and Infinity Ward, Assassin’s Creed II DRM and the statute of limitations on video game spoilers.

Enjoy!
Continue reading GameCop Vs LameCop Vs PsychoCop

The Real Life Portal (Nerf) Gun

Some time ago, I believe we posted a video of the hilarious Freddie Wong playing Bike Hero, and there was much merriment along with the transpiring of lulz. Well, it seems that Wong is back with a new live action short, this one built around Portal, and purchasing a real life Portal gun from Aperture Science, which apparently looks like a Nerf gun.

I’m a big fan of this dude, so it’s great to see more video game related stuff out of his channel. Oh, and don’t bother with the subliminal message at the end. It pretty much just says “ha, I got you to decode this”, only much longer. Anyway, enjoy!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L-rrkyvApU[/youtube]

Anthony’s Super-Mega-Ultra-Extreme-Love Letter to Final Fantasy XIII

On March 9th, in the year two thousand and ten A.D., Square Enix (BOW YOUR HEAD IN REVERENCE, DOGS!) will finally unveil, for the first time in North America…

Final.

Fantasy.

XIII.

(Please exhale now)

So it has come to this. After years of waiting, years of sitting in front of a television, playing countless games not named Final Fantasy, it is time. Glory be to the gods, for they have deigned to shine their light upon us mere gaming mortals.

To give you an idea how much I love this series, allow me reveal a secret, something I have never revealed to anyone, except those that didn’t cover their ears and run away screaming from me: This is the only game that matters to me.

You read that right. This is the reason I upgraded to the new console generation. This is what keeps me playing games. Every single game I have played on the PS3, Wii or 360 has simply been a distraction to get me to this game. Grand Theft Auto 4, Fallout 3, Resident Evil 5 (Cover your eyes, Eddy)… all of them nothing more than obstacles on my way to the prize. I have been killing time for four long years and it’s almost over. Now time kills me. Wait, that’s not right…

Now, some of you may be asking what is so special about this particular Final Fantasy that has generated this kind of psychotic episode.

The answer?

Not a damn thing.

HD graphics? I still have an SDTV. (By the way: if I can’t read the text on my TV, I am going to throw my old TV out and go to the store THAT VERY MINUTE and buy an HDTV. I have already warned all loved ones and relatives about flying TVs on March 9th.)

Trophies? Not a factor. (Although, if one game could ever make me grind for all of them, it’s this one.)

The story? I am interested, but it’s not a compelling reason for me.

No, the reason I am so eager to play this Final Fantasy is because of one reason and only one reason: It’s the next one.

It’s two words (hint: Final Fantasy), followed by a number. No long and insane subtitle. No number, a dash and then another number to denote an actual sequel. Just a new world, new battle system and all new experience.

No other game series has as much change from one entry to the next. The difference between God of War and God of War 3 is not drastic. Even Mass Effect 2, which threw out many RPG elements, is merely a streamlined and highly refined version of the first game.

Only Final Fantasy does this with each sequel.

Not even highly disturbing rumblings from those that have played it can dampen my blind enthusiasm. No traditional towns? No problem! Maneuvering through Mass Effect’s gigantic Citadel is tiresome. Town exploring was always more fun in 2-D for me anyway.

Mostly linear? I am mostly ok with that. Final Fantasy X was very linear and all Final Fantasy games open up late in the game.

There is nothing anyone can tell me that could possible ruin this for…excuse me? It’s COMING OUT ON THE 360??? WTF, Square Enix! How can you do this to your loyal Nintendo Sony fanbase?? Oh, but it has multiple disks? And the graphics are noticeable worse? HAHAHAHA! So that means they will have to get off their fat asses once over 15 hours or so to see more slightly less than optimal graphics? Well, I guess I can live with that.

So on March 9th, when I get off from work and go to pick up my copy, say a little prayer for me. Because no Final Fantasy has ever disappointed me and if this is the first, I will have shamed my family with this sycophantic diatribe and hari-kari will be the only option left.

Until then…I guess I will just play Mass Effect (which is awesome).

You spoony bards.

Sonic Fanboys Convene for Massive Fail

sonic 4
Sonic the Hedgehog 4 is coming out this year and, for all intents and purposes, it looks pretty good; almost a return to form for a has-been mascot that’s tried everything from swordplay to lyncanthropy to win back his fan-base. Some people are just impossible to please, though, so even a side-scrolling HD throwback game isn’t going to win over some die-hards. Take this online petition for example. These stodgy supporters of Sonic circa 1992 aren’t just going to acquiesce and buy Sonic 4, oh no. They’re planning on buying Sonic 1 when the new game gets released. Wait, what?

Now, we all know that internet boycotts are destined to bomb, but this one strikes me as possibly the least effective form of consumer backlash I’ve ever seen. All well and good if you don’t like the new Sonic, fellas, but buying Sega’s products is hardly going to get them to change their minds. Check out my favorite part of the rant:

“Either way, We will decide to finally show sega what the fans truly want. A real sonic 4, as long as sonic 4 stays the way it is, we will not buy it, we will in fact buy sonic 1 on release in protest of sonic 4”

I know we’ve highlighted some silly boycotts in the past, but I’m sure this one takes the cake. What do you guys think about this? Is there any hope for these petitioners, or will they go down as the laughing stock of the internet? My guess is on the latter.

Source: Destructoid

Does the Video Game Industry Need to Slow Down?

Slow DownSome people, if faced with the opportunity to do nothing all day, would probably freak out and have some kind of nervous breakdown. Me? I would just play video games. And I still might not have enough time to play everything I want to.

I don’t know if you have been feeling this way recently, but I know that for me, my free time is getting more and more limited (a job, house, wife, Web Zeroes and writing a novel will do that to you). As a result I’m finishing far fewer games now than I ever have before. In the immediate future I’ve got Brutal Legend waiting for me, assuming I don’t do any repeated playing of all the games I’ve bought recently.

A new GameSpy piece by comedian Michael Drucker covers this very topic, and is making a simple request of the videogame industry: stop making games for one year. His point? There are simply too many great games coming out to keep up. While it is meant as a mostly humorous piece, there are parts of it that ring ridiculously true, such as when he notes that a Legend of Zelda game was maybe the 10th best game of last year. 10 years ago, that thought was absurd. Anyway, the article is a great read, and made me laugh out loud a few times, so I’d definitely recommend checking it out for yourselves.

How many of you guys have felt this way lately? Right now, I’m a little disappointed that I’ve had too move on past great titles that warrant more replay time (Borderlands, Dragon Age, Modern Warfare 2 to name a few). What games are on your backlog?

Source- GameSpy

The 2009 Sushis: A Year In Review

There are plenty of “best of the year” lists floating around for video games these days. But none of them are the Sushis. The Sushis represent a higher pedigree, one that rises above all of the other bush league video game blogs out there. These awards really mean something, people.

OK, maybe not. But they’re fun as hell, and that’s the point of playing games, right?

The Sushi awards represent our goofy and snarky take on the year in gaming, for better or worse, chosen by the GS dudes. A proper “best of” list is coming this weekend, but for now, enjoy these custom awards and feel free to comment on them.

Enjoy!
Continue reading The 2009 Sushis: A Year In Review

Today’s WTF: Tony Hawk is a Glutton for Punishment

thride
Poor Tony Hawk. Back in its heyday, the Pro Skater series of games were the best way to get on a skateboard and have fun without breaking your neck, but recent iterations of the franchise have been, well…less than stellar, to put it kindly.

After the massive failure that was the first Tony Hawk Ride, it appears that Mr. Hawk and the crew at Robomodo (the developers of the original) are more than willing to get back on the board and give it another shot; probably as a courtesy to those who paid upwards of $119.99 USD for the game and its peripheral. The skateboarding luminary, famous for his 900 degree revolution trick, recently Tweeted that he was in Chicago meeting with the studio about their next project.

The Tony Hawk games reached their zenith with the first Underground game and have been in a swift decline ever since, and I don’t think that Ride 2 (or whatever it will end up being called) has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning back those who were jaded by the first game.

I’m interested in one thing, though: has anyone here played THR, and was it as bad as it was made out to be? What do you think of the games themselves? Should they fade off quietly into the nether, or will Activision continue to pump them for all they’re worth? For fun, what was your favorite version? Answer away!

Source: ShackNews

Microsoft Fanboy Rant

DISCLAIMER: THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE MICROSOFT FANBOY AND DO NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE GAMERSUSHI STAFF. ALSO, THIS IS A PARODY POST, SO DON’T LEAVE COMMENTS THINKING THIS IS REAL OR THE MORON POLICE WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND KNOCK THE STUPID RIGHT OUT OF YOU.

First off, **** you.

Whew, had to get that off my chest. Listen up noobs, I am 13 and I have a 360 and it’s the only console I will ever need and I will tell you why: because anyone who doesn’t have one is a ******. I got mine on launch day, bitches. I even bought a second one three days later because mine turned red from all the awesome it was spewing. In fact, the 360 has so much awesome in it, I am on my 24th. Name one console so epic it takes two dozen of them to channel its powerful essence. I’m waiting… What’s the matter? Lag?

I thought I should mention how Sony seems to be gaining some ground with its price cuts (copy cats) and exclusives (all lame). Who wants to play Uncharted 2? If I want a third-person cover based shooter, I got Gears, thank you. I prefer my protagonists to have no necks and even less personality. And as for God of War 3, bah. Kratos looks likes Vin Diesel fell into a vat of baby powder. Give me Ninja Gaiden anyday! (What? They have an improved version of Ninja Gaiden on the PS3? Your mom has an improved version on the PS3!)

Despite all that, some morons keep buying PS3s, which is so lame. What do they have this year? Heavy Rain? If I want to watch a game, I will put in my HD-DVD copy of Advent Children. Besides, we have Alan Wake and everyone knows that games that take that long to make are always the best, just like Too Human. And don’t even get me started on the 360 version of Final Fantasy XIII, which is going to blow the PS3 version away! I know, you think they are identical, but I heard that there is so much more content on the 360 version that they are putting it out on multiple discs, while the puny PS3 only gets 1 disc! FOR THE WIN, CAMPERS!

And I know, the Wii and Nintendo are still winning. Who cares? They have their crappy motion control, running around looking like Adam Lambert with their tiny, white remotes, playing that casual crap. I don’t need that, I am going to get Natal and I will be looking like a Jedi pimp! No controllers here, douch nozzles! Just the power of the 360, Natal and the Force, all combining to make the most epic games ever. I never cared for handball before, but now that I don’t have to leave the house to play it, I am going to be all about that. And there will be no casual games, because no casual gamer would buy a $200 console and then for over another $100 plus bucks to play casual games. That means all hardcore games all the time! I’m Rick James, bitch!

So keep your lame ass Mario games, your fruity Zelda games with those puzzles that no one can figure out. I don’t want to play anything that doesn’t involve a gun, a headset and a plot that makes Hideo Kojima roll his eyes. Speaking of Kojima, Metal Gear Solid has always been a piece of crap, but now we get our own version and it’s going to be the bomb! The only problem with it is it’s not a shooter.

See, I love shooters. Halo 3, Halo 3: ODST, Gears of War, Call of Duty and Rainbow Six are all great, but I want more. I just don’t think the FPS is really represented on the 360. Final Fantasy XIII is cool and all, but I want to fire that gun of Lightning’s myself, not press a button and watch the game do it for me! I think Viva Pinata would be better in first person, with plasma grenades and rechargeable health. My appetite for destruction is still strong!

And shooters work better online and we all know that the 360 has the best online community of any place EVAR. I get to meet people like me, who hate camping, except when we do it and like to tell other people how much they fail at life because we are better than them at a video game. Telling someone they are gay simply because they shot me once is the whole reason to go online and play. Everyone does it and if you don’t like, it’s cause you are gay, too. It just feels like home on Xbox Live. I even like it when I can hear some poor loser’s mom telling him to quit playing and go do his homework or else she will throw that thing in the trash. Those kids suck at life and I would never put up with that crap from my moth—(Coming, Mom!) Gotta go, noobs. (I know you said 10 minutes, Mom, I was pwning noobs!)

NUKE INCOMING, LADIES! COMMENCE TEABAGGING!

Fake Dragon Age DLC Trailer is Hilarious

One thing that makes PC gaming great: the ability to infuse new life into a gaming via the modding community. In what I hope to be the first of many Dragon Age: Origins releases, a new DLC trailer is available that showcases some hilarious tweaks made to the game and how it’s played.

Not only is this a look into what is available to modders, it also showcases some of the machinima tools available to users. I really can’t wait to see more of what people come up with. I’d have to say my favorite portion is the Morrigan slapping, as well as mastering “the taint”. Do watch this. Now.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDeawqKzEVM[/youtube]

Top Six: Gaming’s Worst Unlocks

We’ve all worked our butt off for something that turned out to so not be worth it in the end. Shoveling the driveway, being nice to your parents, school, these are all things that have no tangible benefit in the long run. Nothing is more notorious for this than video games though. Whether you’re scampering across rooftops or desperately trying to get 100% on a game you don’t really like, gaming unlocks can be the biggest time-sink. Our list of the six worst offenders are below (Oh, and potential spoilers):

#1: Auditore Cape, Assassin’s Creed IIauditorecape

While the first Assassin’s Creed will go down in infamy for the multitude of useless collectible flags scattered across the Holy Land, Assassin’s Creed II deserves this spot for a different reason. The 100 feathers that you can collect along your Renaissance adventure seem like they’re actually leading somewhere, especially when you reach the half-way mark and you get the second best weapon in the game, the Condottiero hammer.

After hours of searching for the damnable leavings of the eagles, you return to your villa and deposit them in the box for the last time to receive…a hug. Then, your mother presents you with the cape and thanks you for not forgetting her. Ding, achievement unlocked, and we have a sweet piece of cloth to show for it. What does the cape do, though? Does it prevent fall damage, or something useful along those lines? No, it does the exact opposite of every other cape you earned for doing nothing. It makes you instantly notorious in every city in the game except for your villa. Thanks, Mom, so glad that all those archer’s families will wonder where their father went because he interfered with my search.
Continue reading Top Six: Gaming’s Worst Unlocks

He Said What? The Most WTF Quotes of ’09.

bush
Hope everyone had a safe and happy New Year! As we slip into 2010 and eagerly await the best first quarter of video game history, we look back and reflect on 2009 and what an interesting year it was for gaming. We had plenty of great games drop this year (Batman, Resident Evil 5, Assassin’s Creed II just to name a few), and we finally saw the release of the undeniable juggernaut, Modern Warfare 2. But, as great as this year has been, there’s been more than a few eyebrow-raising moments as well. Whether you’ve got Infinity Ward’s decision to use matchmaking on the PC, Bobby Kotick’s Emperor Palpatine-esque villainy or Microsoft and Sony’s bizarre desire to tap into the motion control market, 2009 has seen its share of shenanigans. 1up has put together a list of their top industry quotes of 2009, and I’ve gone through and picked out a few of my favorites:

“You ever wonder what the bottom of an Avatar’s shoe looks like? Well BAM! There it is!”

Kudo Tsunoda demonstrating Natal at the E3 2009 Microsoft key note.

“Games have been used for stimulation, but maybe it won’t be long until games are used for relaxation and even to fall asleep.”

Nintendo prez Satoru Iwata introducing the ultimate WTF, the Wii Vitality Sensor, at the E3 2009 Nintendo key note. Continue reading He Said What? The Most WTF Quotes of ’09.

Gaming Christmas Carols

odst santa
We’re really getting into the holiday spirit here at GamerSushi, but there’s always been one thing that we’ve found to be deficient in this most favorite of seasons: uber-leet carols! Sure, we all know the classics, like Frosty the Snowman or Silent Night, but are they really relevant anymore?

Well, fear not, as we’ve taking the liberty of updating some old dusty songs into something new and modern! The only things they’re missing are motion controls and HD graphics!
Continue reading Gaming Christmas Carols

Mythbusters Meets Modern Warfare 2

Oh, Modern Warfare 2. When will we stop posting about you? I’m not sure, but I do know that there is a nifty new video that combines the Discovery show Mythbusters and Modern Warfare 2, resulting in some awesome tricks that I had no idea existed. To be honest, I’ve never experienced anything remotely like this in matchmaking, so I’m curious how they came up with this stuff.

I believe I’ve posted before about a similar series done with Halo 3, which was created by the same dudes. Glad to see they’re still working together! Also, the bouncing throwing knives were incredible. You’ll see what I mean.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maCSZFEPwzc[/youtube]

Today’s Awesomeness: The Tetris God

Got to love that video game related humor. It seems that College Humor has posted a new original about the game of Tetris, titled The Tetris God. To explain it would be to do a great disservice to you, since you’re better off just watching it anyway. Needless to say, I think many of my games of Tetris have been dictated as such.

Today’s WTF: Macbeth by Marc Ecko?

gettingup
Do you remember Mark Ecko’s Getting Up? Well, here’s a quick refresher if this game happened to have slipped your mind: you fight against a tyrannical government by spray-painting buildings. Once The Man runs out of turpentine, then he’ll feel the sting of the oppressed! Marc Ecko also collaborated with Microsoft to make some spectacularly hideous Halo clothing a while back.

Well, it turns out that public property and a decent sense of fashion weren’t all that Marc Ecko was interested in vandalizing. Somewhere along the line the clothing designer drew up a concept that adapted Shakespeare’s Macbeth into a video game. Apparently he would have converted the classic play into a hack and slash brawler where the main chunk of the game would be devoted to lopping people’s heads off.

You’ve got to admire the man’s guts, at least. He’s not afraid to do what he wants, even if it does turn him into a pariah of sorts. His response to the question of what people would think of a Macbeth game was “I don’t live my life afraid of what other people think,” adding “Our adaptation, I think, would have made it relevant to people who wouldn’t have otherwise known about this great story. It’s unfortunate, because a lot of people just don’t know Macbeth.”

Thankfully, his project had trouble getting up and never made it past the concept phase. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that this game was passed over, but who knows what the future holds? What do you guys think of this wacky premise? If you’re wondering, Marc is currently working on I Heart Geeks, a DS puzzle title.

Source: Destructoid

The Frustrated Gamer

dragon-ageOver the weekend, I did something I tend to do whenever I am slapped in the mouth with a good RPG: I played the junk out of it. The culprit this time around was Dragon Age: Origins, and I seriously jumped in to the thing completely, putting about 20 hours or more in within just a few days. This typically happens with Bioware games. Funny how that works out.

Anyway, last night I stay up particularly late because I sense that at 60 hours of play time, I’m nearing the game’s end. So, I make my preparations, I tackle the awesome final battle, and I get to the best part of any RPG- the last boss, which in this case, is a rather sweet demon/dragon. I battled long and hard, and ultimately, smote my foe. At this point, I kick back, and I get ready for the ending of the game (of which there are 4 possible).

About a minute into it, suddenly, my game freezes. Just like that. Right in the middle of the load screen. At this point, I’m annoyed and tired, but I decide that it’s not that big of a deal. So, I reload the final boss fight, which takes a few minutes, and prepare to do battle again. Now, this boss fight is no walk in the park. It takes about 10-15 minutes. Well, halfway through the second attempt, my game freezes again. I threw the controller down in frustration and went to bed.

So now, I’m tired and have not finished Dragon Age. The worst of both worlds. When’s the last time you guys felt this kind of frustration when gaming? Go!