After that horrific dream interlude, we head off to some cave where Noah is allegedly training and not building an ark of any kind. By the way: Worst. Random. Encounter. Rate. Ever. For reals, a battle ends, I scratch my nose and I get attacked again. You won’t believe what happened when I had to go pee. I have the console off right now and I think I can hear the battle music starting up!
So after navigating another cave where every single wall looks exactly the same (intelligent design?) I stumble upon, Noah, the blue-haired delight who tells me that he is just too busy training to help me save the universe! Training for what? What the hell could possibly be more important than this? Is there a 5K coming up? Are there intergalatic olympic games? Is Michael Phelps still around and if so, does he smoke Laconion Pot?
But what’s this? I have a letter from the Governor of Motavia? (He is a Motavian, BTW) and that’s all Noah needs to pull a Luke Skywalker circa Empire Strikes Back and quit his training and help us out. I guess if I had let Noah finish his training he would have started at a higher level than level 1, but somehow, I doubt it. Noah suggests we go to Gothic Forest and find Dr. Luveno. He fails to mention why we should find this guy or what the dress code is at Gothic Forest. I’m guessing black is encouraged.
We get to the forest and find the town of Gothic. The people here are surprisngly upbeat! I am warned to stay away from the tower nearby due to the magical beast that lives there. Little do these people know that telling me such a thing only ensures I will pay it a visit. Turns out that Dr. Luveno had a lab here and then he went bonkers and is now locked up in Triada Prison to the south. Prison Break!
A short walk later and we enter the prison and I release all the prisoners I can find. Some are pretty helpful, including one who informs me that the aforementioned tower is the lair of Medusa! Odin wets himself upon hearing this. There is even a giant tarantula who tells me of a substance called POLYMETERAL that dissolves anything except for Laconia. Interesting. Another guys tells me of a robot named Hapsby who was built to pilot a spaceship, but was abandoned in the town of Bortevo somewhere. Hapsby is also made out of Laconia. I’m sure this will come in handy later.
Dr. Wily! I mean, Dr. Luveno! Guess what! He refuses to help! Guess we should all go home. But I have come so far! So I ask again. No sale. One more time and as always in video games, the third time usually does it. Dr. Luveno agrees and asks for me to meet in him back in Gothic where he will help me, but only if I help him first. Typical. No word still on the Gothic dress code, but he is wearing white, so I think we are in the clear.
Find out later this week what sordid task Dr. Luveno has planned for me and what the hell else I have to do to get the freaking spaceship built in Part VI: The Strange Appetite of Dr. Mad

One of the more interesting parts of each fall and winter is the decision about which games are worthy of purchase, and which are more up the rental alley. And let’s be honest, there’s nothing quite like the anticipation that leads up to a release of a game that you’ve been dying for. Whether I’m attending a midnight release (which doesn’t happen so often these days), picking up a game during lunch or after work, I love the build up before a new video game.
Those of you that frequent this site know something of my sordid disdain for the FPS overflow of the current generation. It seems that nearly every blockbuster title for the last couple of years has been some kind of shooter, be it Resistance, Call of Duty, Gears of War, Halo, Left 4 Dead or Killzone. Shooters are bombarding us from every corner, and after some time, I grew rather sick of them.


I have been an FPS guy for years. Years upon years, even. I remember playing Wolfenstein 3D, Quake and Doom on my slow-as-balls PC, gunning away to my heart’s content. Eventually, as the Internet actually became a living, breathing entity that took hold of our collective psyche, I started jumping into multiplayer matches like they could sustain my very being. 
